just another holiday gift guide
the perfect prezzies for the weirdos on your list
For Your Friend Who Might Secretly Be A Witch
Upgrade their potion collection with something from Kindred Black’s apothecary.
For Your Friend Who’s Impossibly Hard to Shop For But Has Some Esoteric Interests
I feel like this will come as no surprise to any of my loyal readers, but I’m about to recommend some books. First, get yourself over to the Met Museum bookstore and browse the delightfully random assortment of books. Like a deep dive on European Armor or the Unicorn Tapestries. For something weirder and vintage, Press SF sources deadstock books that are a glimpse into bygone pop culture.
For Your Friend Who’s Obsessed With Their Pet
I get it! I am one of these people. And if my dog weren’t so big and slobbery, I would be spending a lot of my time and money making him look chic (alas, it’s impossible, and everything he owns is two sizes too small and covered in drool). Get the dainty dog in your life a hot pink or baby blue feather sweater and a cute little tie-dye rope collar.
For Your Friend Who Loves to Throw Chic Dinner Parties
Wouldn’t you want to be invited to their surrealist dinner party? Or how about one where you eat pasta out of this nearly perfect bowl? Where you’re served boozy punch from this truly unfunctional Scandinavian pitcher?
For Your Friend Who Loves to Attend Chic Dinner Parties
A ticket to a destination dinner party.
For Your Friend Who’s Got An Indiana Jones Vibe
Giving somebody a metal detector isn’t just giving them a piece of equipment that will sit unused in their garage. It’s giving them the chance to (possibly) find priceless treasure! Think of all those jewels that the Kardashians have lost at the beach! You know what else is treasure? Rocks that can be turned into shinier, smoother rocks with a rock tumbler! Rocks that you can break open and find treasure inside! Rocks that you can grow yourself!
For Your Friend Who Loves New Yorker Covers
Get them an Ilya Milstein print (I’m partial to this library one) or a very chic and satisfying puzzle.
For Your Friend Who Always Smells Good
Let them unleash their inner chemist with a perfume mixology kit from Ooh La Lab.
For Your Friend Who’s A Bit Of A Pyro
Somebody who’s not afraid to burn beautiful things is somebody to cherish and also keep an eye on. Get them a beautifully strange Piera Bochner gourd, a kewpie mayo or korn candle from Janie Korn, or some Mexican flower candles that are almost too beautiful to burn. If you want a 90s throwback, you can find those trippy globe candles on Ebay for a nice price, too.
For Your Friend Who Has An Incredibly Stressful Job
For Your Friend Who’s Got ‘90s Nostalgia
A fuzzy neon bucket hat, of course.
For Your Friend Who Thinks They Are A Good Cook, But Makes Some Nasty Shit Sometimes
Everybody loves a cookbook. Even I love cookbooks and I don’t even like cooking. I just like looking at the pretty pictures and sometimes (rarely) reading the nice little stories. People who think they are good cooks are sometimes like “oh, I don’t really use cookbooks” but maybe this gift will be a nice little hint that maybe they should, in fact, use a cookbook sometimes.
Some great cookbooks:
Dinner in French by Melissa Clarke
Prune by Gabrielle Hamilton
Filipinx by Angela Dimayunga
Plenty More by Ottolenghi
For Your Friend Who’s Actually A Good Cook
This one’s easy - a DIY mushroom farm that lives in your kitchen. If they’re the kind of person who doesn’t like mushrooms (I honestly don’t believe they’re a very good cook if this is true) you can get them a fancy herb set from Diaspora.
For Your Friend Who Doesn’t Cook
Who needs to cook when you can just make the best toast on earth? And when you’ve got the perfect toaster oven, you don’t need any other appliances, including an oven or a stove or any of that nonsense. You can also get them a jar of Fly By Jing, arguably the only savory condiment you need.
For Your Friend Who Unironically Refers To Themselves As A “Plant Mom”
I promise they will love these terracotta face planters from PlantaPlanta.
For Your Friend Who “Loves Winter” Because It’s “Cozy”
This person is a psychopath, but I bet they love pajamas. How about some fancy bejeweled jammies? Or some that you could definitely wear out of the house, especially to a Studio 54-themed party. Perhaps some Tony Soprano toile is more like it? Or maybe just some good old-fashioned soft things you can actually sleep in.
For Your Hypebeast Friend Who’s Already Got a Telfar Bag
Nobody gives a shit about luxury brands anymore so skip the Birkin and the neverfull and whatever the fuck that hideous Goyard thing is that looks like it’s made out of the kind of tablecloth you find at BBQ restaurants and get something that’s actually interesting. Brandon Blackwood’s purses are frivolous and sometimes barely functional (some are too small to fit a phone) but they are nearly perfect. (You can also get one and a plane ticket to Tokyo for the price of one of those dumb handbags everyone else has).
For Your Friend Who Wants to Leave it All Behind
A $95k island in Sweden. A $65k townhouse in Italy. A $300k chateau in France. Or, a subscription to Cheap Property EU.
For Your Friend Who’s Got Fancy Grandma Vibes
My husband’s grandma used to complain that everyone always gave her soap for Christmas and then everyone stopped giving her soap for Christmas and she complained that nobody gave her soap anymore so if you have any grandmas or grandpas or people without grandchildren who live on Park Avenue and go to art shows in Venice or spend time thinking about how to decorate their powder room or whatever fancy grandmas do, get them some soap from Ortigia (handmade in Sicily, smells and looks very expensive) or Claus Porto (one of the oldest shops in Portugal, comes in delightful packaging) or Buly (my favorite store in Paris).
For Your Friend Who Has An Codependent Relationship With Their Water Bottle
For Your Friend Who’s Got A Really Cool House Full Of Really Cool Shit
The maximalists in your life will appreciate: an artisan basket from Ghana; this ying yang face bowl; a vintage Uzbek suzani; a baguette lamp; a toilet seat fit for a rave.
For Your Friend Who Wants A Skin Care Routine But Is Afraid Of Sephora
The Malaya Organica discovery kit is perfect.
For Literally Anyone
People complain about socks as being a “bad gift” but they are literally the perfect gift. Who doesn’t love an excellent pair of socks? Everyone could use a good pair of socks and there aren’t many people I know who are willing to spend $30 on a pair of socks for themselves. But a $30 pair of socks for someone else? Sure! For maximum coziness, you can’t go wrong with these super squishy Japanese socks. People are obsessed with these socks. Trust me.
For Literally Anyone Who Doesn’t Like Socks
You should stop being friends with this person.