what I read this month
Welcome to my newsletter, where I complain or rave about the books I’ve read this month. I’m also rating (not reviewing) all of these books on goodreads, so you can see my rating on their very limited 5-star system. www.goodreads.com/hellotheo
Here are the books I read in September, and what I thought of them (in the order that I read them). Scroll to the bottom to see what I’m currently reading and what I plan to read next month. And, if you like my newsletter, pass it on. Here’s the link to sign up: tinyletter.com/theodora
If you missed the August installment, you can read it here: tinyletter.com/theodora/archive
Derek Palacio
why? Why? WHY? This book makes no sense. Not a single character ever makes a logical choice or has a logical consequence for their actions. The main characters are immigrants from Cuba who move to New Haven and have a perfectly normal suburban existence but continue to insist that they are "damaged" people with storied pasts that could ruin their lives. This book felt like it was built from a few scenes the author had in his head and he just filled in some tenuous connections to make it into a book—but he leaves out any sense of a logical course from point a to point d. I picked up this book because it had a cool cover and a cool name. Specifically, I really liked the font. I assumed the name was referring to the normal definition of the word “mortification” and since I don't read the back of books I thought this just looked like a modern book about a dysfunctional family. I had no idea the book would have such religious themes. It wasn’t until I was about 30 pages in that I noticed the cross on the cover and googled “mortification catholic”, but I was too bored by the wikipedia page so I honestly still don’t really understand what it means.
Did it make me cry: No.
Did it make me laugh: No.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: No.
Would I recommend it: I think you might possibly enjoy this if you’re a big fan of Márquez and you have empathy for Catholics.
Would I read it again: I would potentially not mind re-reading some of the descriptions of Cuba, but I’m not the kind of person who picks up a book to re-read certain passages, so no.
Would it be a good movie: It would be a beautiful movie—all those descriptions of lush Connecticut tobacco farms and wild Cuban jungles sound really cinematic, not to mention the fact that every character sounds ridiculously good looking. It would be a bad movie though.
Margot Livesey
I picked this book up because I loved the cover. (I think it's brilliant, don’t you?) However, this book was a big let down. I should have paid more attention to the red flags—the author has written 9 other books and I had still never heard of her before. The book builds tension slowly, with hints and clues about a traumatic event and the aftermath of that event. It even does that thing I like where it tells the same story from two different perspectives (not alternating throughout the book, but one and then the other, like Fates and Furies or Gone Girl). But here's the thing: the traumatic event isn't traumatic enough. The trajectory of this story was so promising, but in the end it just fizzles out and falls apart. One thing I liked about it though is that it proves my theory that horse people are all crazy.
Did it make me cry: No.
Did it make me laugh: No.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: No.
Would I recommend it: If you are a horse person or if you love to hate horse people, you might possibly enjoy this but I wouldn’t take my chances if I were you. This book is a waste of time.
Would I read it again: Nope.
Would it be a good movie: Actually, yes. You’d have to change the ending but I think it could be a good subtle thriller. There are more than a few creepy and tense scenes.
Blake Crouch
If you can get over the short bro-y sentences and make it 50 pages into this book, you won't be able to put it down—it is SO much fun to read. It's science fiction, with an emphasis on science. It's not fantasy and there are no aliens or fairies or anything, just quantum leaps and physics and test tubes. It's a thriller, but it's also an epic adventure saga and a love story…kind of like The Odyssey for people with short attention spans. It’s probably the most un-put-down-able book I’ve read all year. This is the kind of book that you can and should stay up all night reading.
Did it make me cry: No.
Did it make me laugh: No.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: I didn’t read it on the subway but I’m sure if I did I would have made it all the way to Coney Island before I realized I missed my stop.
Would I recommend it: I would recommend this book to anybody. The science is a really minor part of the text and (most of) the main characters are just really regular people. That said, there are some awesome creeps and villains, especially at the end. The whole thing only takes a couple of hours to read, so there’s no way you could regret reading this.
Would I read it again: No because the writing is horrendous, but I would probably watch the movie more than once.
Would it be a good movie: I cannot wait for this movie. It's going to be huge… think Interstellar meets Bourne Identity, with a little romance thrown in. Just please please please do not cast Matt Damon or Ben Affleck as the main character.
Colson Whitehead
Since I still haven’t bought a copy of Underground Railroad, I decided to finally tackle this book that’s been on my shelf for years. This book is cute. It’s fun to read because he writes so perfectly about the teenage mindset and how anyone and anything “cool” can be deemed uncool at the drop of a hat. But it’s a little disjointed. It’s not a novel, but it’s not short stories either. There’s no overarching plot or trajectory for the story besides “summer”. It’s not a memoir, but it reads like a memory: just a series of vivid vignettes on a background of nostalgia.
Did it make me cry: No.
Did it make me laugh: It definitely made me smile.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: No.
Would I recommend it: I guess so, but there are a lot of better books out there.
Would I read it again: I think if I could relate to the character just a little bit more I would read this over and over again. That said, even though he’s black, male, and 20 years older than me, there’s enough nostalgia in this book that it would feel really good to read it again. Not at the top of my list though.
Would it be a good movie: It would be such a fun movie. The soundtrack would be amazing.
Helen Ellis
This book of short stories is so much fun. It’s kind of like Chuck Palahniuk meets Heidi Julavits. I want to read whatever she comes out with next and I want to be her friend.
Did it make me cry: No.
Did it make me laugh: Yes.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: No.
Would I recommend it: Yes. You can finish the whole thing in an hour or two and it’s really amusing.
Would I read it again: Some of the stories are a bit obvious, but others I would definitely read again.
Would it be a good movie: I think it could inspire a good movie.
Jade Chang
This book is really entertaining. It’s gossipy and silly, but it’s also kind of sharp and you can tell Jade Chang is a smart person and a good writer. In a way, it reminded me of Crazy Rich Asians because of the delicious descriptions of clothing, art, and rich people’s home decor. Unlike Crazy Rich Asians, the book falls just this side of ridiculous, but you still have to have a serious suspension of disbelief. Nothing in this book is realistic, except for the description of the economy in 2008.
Did it make me cry: No.
Did it make me laugh: Maybe.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: No.
Would I recommend it: Not to everybody, but if you’ve just read something serious or sad and you’re looking for fun, this is a really lighthearted and juicy book that isn’t total garbage.
Would I read it again: No but I would DEFINITELY watch the movie more than once.
Would it be a good movie: It would be a stupid movie, but it would be total eye candy (the clothes, the cars, the art shows, the upstate New York farmhouse, the BelAir compound, the cabaret in New Orleans, THE LIST GOES ON!). I would love to art direct this movie.
Anne-Marie Casey
Just skip this review because this book is stupid. I still don’t really get why this book exists. I’m not sure what it’s about or what kind of message it’s trying to convey. In the beginning you’re kind of like “ok, everyone hates this character but I’m supposed to like her because DEEP DOWN she is a sensitive and loving person” but you never get any evidence about why you should like her (or any of the characters in this book for that matter). By the end of the book, I just felt really icky and brainwashed into reading this book with no plot that is so sexist (but trying to be feminist). I have a really strong feeling that if I ever met the author in real life I would not want to be her friend.
Did it make me cry: No, but I think it probably tried to. Maybe you would cry if you were a mother or just really stressed about life.
Did it make me laugh: Yes! There were some really funny one-liners, especially in the dialogue.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: No.
Would I recommend it: No, I don’t think so. I’m still not even sure what it’s about or why somebody would write it.
Would I read it again: Definitely not.
Would it be a good movie: No, it would be such a horrible movie and I’m pretty sure it already exists. It’s called “I Don’t Know How She Does It” and it’s about Sarah Jessica Parker being a bad mom and getting lice on Hugh Grant or Pierce Brosnan or somebody like that.
Alexander Maksik
From the first few pages, I could tell that this book is that kind of book that sticks with you. I know these characters and their world so well. I savoured it until the very last page and I didn’t want to leave them. This book is one of the most interesting, powerful, and realistic love stories I’ve read in a long time.
Did it make me cry: Yes, twice, and both times were on the subway.
Did it make me laugh: No.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: Almost! I was so absorbed in this book that suddenly I looked up and I had no idea where I was or how long I had been there. Luckily I was going a long way so I didn’t miss my stop but I have no recollection of the previous 8 stops.
Would I recommend it: Yes! Please read this book. It’s tragic and violent and beautiful.
Would I read it again: Yeah. Especially if I ever move to the Pacific Northwest. Also, if you haven’t read You Deserve Nothing, you should probably read that (and then when you’re done reading it, read the incredible 1-star Amazon reviews from students at the school in Paris where Maksik taught). Reading this also made me want to re-read A Marker to Measure Drift, which is short and beautiful. I promise this newsletter is not sponsored by Alexander Maksik, I’m just a fan.
Would it be a good movie: Sadly, no. I think one of the most beautiful parts of this book is the non-linear narrative. The book is written in the first person and instead of time progressing in a straight line, it progresses in sort of a corkscrew pattern, with events happening in one chapter and then being described in the next chapter. It sounds redundant, but it’s not. It really works well as a way to get to know the characters and the setting.
The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears
This book is fine and that’s it and I can't find the photo I took of it.
Did it make me cry: No.
Did it make me laugh: No.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: No.
Would I recommend it: Not really, unless you live in D.C. Maybe I would recommend it if you feel like you’ve been reading garbage lately and you want to feel like you’re reading something deep and intelligent without having to do any work. Read this book so you have something to talk about with your friend who works for a non-profit.
Would I read it again: No.
Would it be a good movie: I could see this as a film festival-type short film.
Emma Jane Unsworth
I forgot to take a photo of this one, but as you can see by the cover, this book tells the story of two girls who really love to drink. It was really hard to read. The writer’s depiction of a bad hangover is so accurate that I had a visceral reaction to some of the morning after pages (and there are a lot—these girls are either drunk or hungover for 95% of the book). It’s a little bit funny, but it’s also trying so hard to be funny and edgy that it just falls flat, especially in the dialogue. I had a really hard time with the main character. She is somebody I would not want to be friends with.
Did it make me cry: No.
Did it make me laugh: Yes, a few times.
Did it make me miss a subways stop: No.
Would I recommend it: Not really, no.
Would I read it again: No.
Would it be a good movie: Actually, yes! I think if you got a professional to write the script and fix the dialogue, this movie would be everything I wanted that Amy Schumer movie Trainwreck to be.
Best book I read this month: Shelter in Place by Alexander Maksik
Best book I read last month: The Mothers by Brit Bennett
Best book I read this year (so far): I think Shelter in Place might have taken this honor from Salvage the Bones by Jesmyn Ward
What I’m reading right now: I’m in between books at the moment, but I just found a copy of Tell the Wolves I’m Home and I still haven’t read that book.
What’s on my bookshelf for next month:
Homegoing by Yaa Gyaasi
Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders (shout out to whoever put an advance copy of this on the free book shelf at work!)
Tsar of Love and Techno (I loved a Constellation of Vital Phenomena and I meant to read this book in September but then I realized I had a signed copy and didn’t want to bring it on vacation with me)
Those inevitable Neapolitan books (still)
All My Puny Sorrows by Miriam Toews (I loved The Flying Troutmans)
What books are on my list to buy (this will take me months to actually do):
Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead
Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
M Train by Patti Smith
That new Patty Hearst book
H Is For Hawk by Helen Macdonald
Seveneves by Neal Stephenson
The Nest by Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney
What are you reading this month? (You can reply to this email and tell me. Or just text me)
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